Tuesday, December 28, 2010

One Day More!

I sit here - after almost a month since our last post - and I think about the most incredible and intensely emotional period that our family has just experienced.  My daughter is 8 1/2 months old and, as of today, has spent the last 4 fighting leukemia. The first three months were inpatient. This past month has been at home with daily outpatient care. And this past month has been so amazing that it is almost enough to make me forget the first three.

On Monday, January 3, 2011, we will be readmitted to Lucile Packard Children's Hospital to the Bone Marrow Stem Cell Transplant Unit.

All I can think of - the only thing I can think of - is the lyric from Les Miserables:


I am frozen in a state of anticipation.  We are either at the brink of the end of our fight against cancer, or we are at the brink of the end.  I don't know how to anticipate anything other than bringing her home in 5-7 weeks from today.  This assumes that all goes well with her transplant and that her immune systems safely begins establishing itself within that timeframe.  But, I still fear - with a cold reality that it feels like no one else could ever know - that this could all go horribly wrong in what will seem all too quickly.  And then, all I can think of is the plea: