I was honestly sure she was going to reject me after being the source of such trauma. She quickly calmed to quick, quiet breaths once I picked her up and was laughing within 5 minutes -cheeks still damp with tears.
I hope she makes dramatic steps towards eating soon. No NG would make a significant difference in the frequency of such traumatic incidences.
2 comments:
I will never know exactly how she feels in those moments of torture, but I liken them to when mom had to turn the key to widen my oral butterfly when we lived in starkville. Reading this sends a crucial reminder of what it's like to be tortured by your own mother but still remembering "it's for my own good, and only done out of love not punishment" even if all it felt like was punishment.
I realize that my ability to talk in that stage of my life made it easier for me to understand why we did what we did. Which is why I say I will never know exactly how she feels. But, I think that Clara really knows that her mommy loves her so much and that no matter what you may have to "do" to her, everything turns out okay in the end. Plus, I believe that God puts that instinct of love in us so we can recognize when certain actions mean what. Obviously she will not know exactly why the tube has to go down her nose, but she knows she trusts the ones doing it. Because she loves you, and you love her.
What I'm trying to say is, while you are reassuring her that all is going to be okay. I am trying to reassure you that all is okay too.
More LOVE! :)
I was going to post a different comment - but Lauren told you everything you need to know! What a wonderful - and articulate - friend! I can remember torturing a child with a needle, removing a splinter, while his Daddy held him tightly - but that's not an NG tube. You guys are being tested in every way - as is Clara - and are coming up strong.
I just want you to know that even the NC grandparents' neighbors are sending love and support to you all.
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